I never really thought about my future. I think it is because I often felt I had no control over it. Always a shy and timid child, I developed into an anxious teen/young adult. Never making waves, living in a house where family violence (physical and psychological) was common, I was a 'people pleaser'.
With few strong female role models, I grew up wanting a life like I saw in the rom-com movies of the 90's. You know, where the fun loving, caring single girl, finally falls in love and lives happily ever after. In my mind, once I found that person for me I would be set for life! No financial worries, a house (complete with white picket fence), doting husband and children. The perfect family.
In reality, since leaving home as a teenager I have often been broke, rarely had savings, juggled varying levels of personal debt and was inwardly very unhappy. I did not receive any financial education, other than what I saw in my childhood home and have struggled, sometimes on a daily basis. Finance or lack of finance is a touchy subject. I always felt it was something to be ashamed of, that I could not balance my accounts or stick to a budget. Living pay day to pay day was something I did to survive. Somehow managing to pay rent and living a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget.
I suppose I could have had an enviable lifestyle. On the surface my life looked great. In the early 2000's I had a handsome husband, we had a lovely house close to the beach, owned two cars, took holidays and could afford to generally buy what we wanted, when we wanted. Inside though, I was fighting a losing battle. Ironically the rom-com life I envisaged felt stifling. I was not ready for marriage and the obligations and responsibility that came with that level of commitment (a story for another day). Walking away I took with me the debt I brought into the relationship, a lack of savings and my poor money habits formed in childhood.
It has taken me 20+ years to relinquish those habits and to learn new skills that slowly, but steadily are empowering me. I was a woman who did not know the true value of money and that as the quote above says, a little money of my own was (is) my best protection. Still looking out for a white knight to ride in and 'save' me, it took several years to understand that I did not need a white knight; I was capable of saving myself.
The COVID-19 pandemic has caused many people ongoing financial stress and anxiety. Initially I was terrified of losing my job and not having enough money to live. My mind went into panic mode, as I forward planned how I would survive. After several lean months, I went back to full time hours in the third quarter of 2020. Whilst, the continual lockdowns have taken a toll on my mental health. I can thank the pandemic for one thing, enabling me to pay out my debt. The weight of over 20 years now lifted. In this new found financial freedom, I have managed to save funds for that rainy day and to get much needed orthodontic work done. As we approach the end of 2021, I am excited about life and the opportunities that will come my way in the new year. My next big goal is to stop renting and buy a property to call home. Indeed, having a little money of my own is the best protection.
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