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Lifestyle Changes

Sunday, S and I went for lunch with another couple. It was a chance to catch up after the long stint of lockdowns and for my friend and I to meet each others' partners. 

The lunch was nice, food delicious and I enjoyed seeing my friend looking so happy. On the way home, S made a comment that has got me thinking (and kind of worrying). He said that he could see my friend was a lovely guy, but spending too much time with him would be a challenge. I didn't quite know how to take that or what he meant. Further clarification was that, my friend was overly hyper and that S could not really spend long periods with people like that. At first I was a little taken aback, but then I did think about past interactions and present behaviours and could see what S was talking about. For me it has never worried me as we do not generally run in the same circles and whilst we are connected through family, we do not spend long periods together (hence I had never really noticed). 

It wasn't the comment that S could only spend limited time with hyper people that made me worry. It was that S said I tended to 'feed' off people like that. That has stuck with me and I am not sure how I feel about that, also what does that actually mean? Do I take on the traits of the hyper person, or am I too someone with a hyperactivity disorder that I keep hidden/well maintained and then it lets loose around certain personalities or in certain social situations?

In thinking about myself and my behaviour, I can see that I do have some amber flags. From being extremely anxious, shy and scared as a child. I have taken that trauma into adulthood. I am very good at masking it on an every day level. However, alcohol can bring out the worst in me. I know that S has been worried about that. I am also worried with a few incidents over the last 12-18 months.  This in mind, I do think an overhaul of my lifestyle is in order. 

A few weeks back I was feeling very unsettled and anxious. My job is going well, financially I am fine - must be my personal life. It is time to do so more work on myself, so the version S, my family and friends get is the best version of me. I don't want S to be worried about me or not want to take me to events. Neither do I want family/friends to be concerned when we are are out and about. 

I am therefore, committing in writing to ensuring that I have changed and that new leaf is turned over. Changing habits and behaviour takes time, but I know if I work at each day then the results will be the reward. 

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