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Grieving

Today, well from last night I have felt particularly flat. The anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, the butterflies racing around and the thoughts in my mind that just won't leave.

As much as I try not to, I am grieving the loss of two people. Mum, who is slowly slipping away, each and every time I see her and the loss of my relationship. I miss the everyday chats, the ability to call and and talk about the mundane. I miss the spark that used to be in our conversation.  The light is now dimmed and I am left alone. These feelings relate to both situations. 

I miss my ex, but as I'm realising I miss the aspects of him and the relationship that worked. There are many parts that did not work. I knew this deep down, but let it go - I wanted to believe so much that this time we would make it. It's a shame, I've done so much work on myself and I hope that he can understand that without the same, he will never move forward. Always stuck in this loop.

Blogging is an outlet for me to pour my heart and feelings out. To put in print what I haven't said out loud, what I haven't admitted to friends or family and now maybe only admitting to myself. This is therapeutic and in time I hope the sadness will leave my body, leave my soul. 


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