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Live a Life You Love

 My grandfather used to say "one day at a time".  This year has been filled with rollercoaster moments. The continuous highs and lows that come with caring for a loved one.  Mum has been in rapid decline since the events of December 2023.  

The 'Dunedin Days' as my sister and I refer to, was a time filled with fear, but also love and cherished memories. Since then we have battled daily with mum's care and now as we move to the one year anniversary, there is a definite shift and we can feel mum slipping away. 

The grief of losing a parent to death is unimaginable, but seeing her in body and not being able to have meaningful conversations, watching her slowly pull away from reality and wither before my eyes is a very different level of grief.  So we take it one day at a time. 

Tuesday, cup day.  For some the best day of the year, they go place bets and celebrate the race that stops a nation.  For me it is now the day S and I split, after 5 years. In what can now be considered de ja vu, there was no forewarning. We had not be fighting and having just returned from an epic 3.5 week trip to Europe together, we seemed very happy. 

Could my dreams (two in row) where we broke up (I instigated) have been a premonition? Sure S stated the dreams made him feel uncertain. But really that is more an excuse. Did I feel uncertain? I can admit I had some doubts. Wondering if after 5 years, would be progress any further? Like investing in that property we had briefly talked about. Entering into a relationship agreement. Things that would have further cemented our relationship.  Perhaps my subconscious was looking out for me - I know I should trust my gut over my heart. But of course one rarely does that.

So here we are, coming out of a relationship I had hoped would be infinite. As my step-brother told me, this was not done to me. It was done for me. Meaning I have the power and I choose to see this positively. In the 5 years we were together my life has changed for better. For the first time, I feel financially secure. I have a great circle of friends who I did not neglect. I have close relationships with my family. Have a cute cat who loves me. I am employed in a job that I like and one that is not easily replaceable in the market. 

Taking it one day at a time as I grieve the loss of the relationship, I am also looking forward to what the future brings. I feel confident and emotionally secure and ready to continue living a life I love. 


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